Dating and relationship counseling for singles in Manhattan (NYC)

Dating in New York City, let alone Manhattan, is... hard, to put it mildly. You go on date after date, trying to find a genuine connection. Yet you find yourself repeating the same old patterns--in dating and in romantic relationships. Still, it's hard to let go of the past and stay open to new people, without feeling the same old fears. 

And so you do what most New Yorkers in the dating pool do--you play it cool, and then wonder why things don't work out. Or you find that one person that you fall head over heels for, only to be disappointed once again. You throw yourself into relationship after relationship, even if it is not a good fit for you.

In this city's dating culture, it's hard to figure out how to improve your dating life and nourish real relationships.

Why don't relationships work out?

When it comes to dating and relationships, many New Yorkers struggle with the one thing that actually helps us come closer together. The dreaded "V" word--vulnerability. Webster's Dictionary defines vulnerability as being

  1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

  2. open to attack or damage, assailable, vulnerable to criticism

Ouch! The idea that we open ourselves up to pain in our relationships is built into our culture. You probably also learned that being vulnerable was dangerous from your own relationships.

Negative experiences with previous partners, abuse, and loss can all affect how open you are to other people. You come to expect the worst, and even when you start to feel connected, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 
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Why getting over our fear of vulnerability is important

At the same time, vulnerability in relationships is something that draws us together. Vulnerability builds closeness by letting others really get to know you. It increases trust in relationships, and has a powerful ability to defuse conflict and defensiveness with partners (as well as others in life). Lastly, it builds intimacy, leading to greater emotional closeness and better sex.

Being vulnerable, however, isn't the same as not having boundaries. You may have come to believe that in order to be loved, you have to lower your standards. This is not true. There is another important ingredient to success in love and relationships--discernment.

How can therapy help me improve my dating life?

I help professionals from different walks of life find greater balance in their love life.

By helping you be discerning and selective of whom you choose to spend your time with, and whom to move one from, you can create space in your life to attract someone who is a better fit for you, and with whom you have a stronger connection.

I also work with you to improve your communication, and understand what gets in the way of expressing your needs and wants clearly.

This may involve learning skills for practicing better judgement, setting clearer boundaries, and communicating more effectively. But it also involves talking about painful relationships and experiences from your past that make dating and relationships difficult today. Processing those experiences can help you let go and move on to pursue new and healthier relationships. 

All the factors that go into your love life--communication, managing your emotions, how you deal with conflict--are complex, but can respond to a individually tailored treatment. However, without guidance, you can find yourself in the same relationships, repeating the same patterns.

If you're in Manhattan (NYC) and want to level up your love life, book an appointment below to get started today.