Improving your Dating Life & Relationships
Dating in New York City, let alone Manhattan, is... hard, to put it mildly. You go on date after date, trying to find a genuine connection. Yet you find yourself repeating the same old patterns--in dating and in relationships. Still, it's hard to let go of the past and stay open to new people, without feeling the same old fears. And so you do what most New Yorkers in the dating pool do--You play it cool, and then wonder why things don't work out. Or you find that one person that you fall head over heels for, only to be disappointed once again. You throw yourself into relationship after relationship, even if it is not a good fit for you. In this city's dating culture, it's hard to figure out how to improve your dating life and nourish real relationships.
When it comes to dating and relationships, many New Yorkers struggle with the one thing that actually helps us come closer together. The dreaded "V" word--vulnerability. Webster's Dictionary defines vulnerability as being
- capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
- open to attack or damage, assailable, vulnerable to criticism
Ouch! The idea that we open ourselves up to pain in our relationships is built into our culture. But you probably learned that being vulnerable was dangerous from your own relationships. Negative experiences with previous partners, abuse, and loss can all affect how open you are to other people. You come to expect the worst, and even when you start to feel connected, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
At the same time, vulnerability in relationships is something that draws us together. Vulnerability builds closeness by letting others really get to know you. It increases trust in relationships, and has a powerful ability to defuse conflict and defensiveness with partners (as well as others in life). Lastly, it builds intimacy, leading to greater emotional closeness and more satisfying sex. Being vulnerable, however, isn't the same as not having boundaries. You may have come to believe that in order to be loved, you have to lower your standards. This is not true. There is another important ingredient to success in love and relationships--discernment.
I help professionals from different walks of life find greater balance in their love life, by learning to discern between which relationships to spend time and energy on, and which one's to move on from. By being mindfully selective of whom you choose to spend your time with, and by building a more well-rounded life outside of dating, you create space to attract someone who is a better fit for you, and with whom you can build a stronger connection. I also work with you to understand what gets in the way of expressing your needs and wants clearly, so you are better at communicating in your relationships.
This work may involve learning skills for practicing better judgement, setting clear boundaries, and communicating more effectively. But it may also involve talking about painful relationships and experiences from your past that make dating and relationships difficult today. Processing those experiences can help you let go and move on to pursue new and healthier relationships. But more importantly, I can help you learn to be more open in your relationships.
If you'd like to talk more about how I can help you build better connections, you can book a time for us to talk below. You can also find out more about perks and features that set my practice apart.